That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i will never coherently bang her
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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