Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
