she was so not down for the gang bang
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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