She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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