can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
