i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
