At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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