he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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