Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
