I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
