when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
