There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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