Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
