Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
