I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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