I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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