enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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