i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
