@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
