Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
