Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
