There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
