meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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