Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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