just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
