I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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