I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
