I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
