Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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