Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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