im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
