Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
