...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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