so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
