Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
