I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
