someone get that fucking seahorse.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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