I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
