I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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