i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
