Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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