Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
