We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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