so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
