i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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