i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
