i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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