sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero