didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things