Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
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I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion