At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work