good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!