My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
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So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??