Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?