Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
