I must be too annoying 4 u.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?