I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
