youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
