she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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