it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
