is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
