literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
