Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
