guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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