You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
tequila makes me forget i have legs
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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