idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She's JV to your varsity
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
