P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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