"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
