i think i have herpe
just one?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You are a genius and a whore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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