i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
