yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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