It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize