whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
why is half of my head shaved?
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