Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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