i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
