covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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