I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
